We all knew this day would come

Well, the semester is almost over for those of us who are scholastically inclined (wish I was one of those people), and that means that it's crunch time for those same people. I'll tell you what it means for me, about a whole truckload of stress.

I figured I rant about school enough and those few that read like to hear about other aspects of my life; This weekend was honest to God one of the better weekends of my life. For three reasons: Skyrim (pictured, I am the Dovahkiin, baby.), a really good party, and of course the reason for both is ...my birthday.

Now, my birthday is on November 11th, and this year it was extra super special because of course the date was 11/11/11. (THAT IS PRETTY F*CKING COOL IF YOU ASKED ME.) I turned 21, so I was feeling real good for the duration of the weekend. Can't say I feel much different though, few do when they turn a new age... if anything, it feels worse getting that much closer to your relatively imminent death.

You aren't a kid anymore, I guess that's what hurts the most. Someone said that to me this past week and it cut to my core. Growing up is absurdly difficult for a lot of people, and for me it's been mostly a struggle. I'm pretty stubborn, so naturally I'm going to feel worse when things change and I don't like it, and of course they do all the time.

In short, I've discovered in my time here on Earth that this world is hard on people, and you need to adapt in order to carve your niche in it. That's a difficult thing to understand in itself, let alone to actually perform it. But once I do... it's going to be a stellar event, that is one thing I am certain of.

What am I supposed to be doing again?

This is a question I tend to ask myself a lot. With good reason, too, because normally I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing at any given time. It is kind of an ambiguous question though, not really specific enough to be answered without context. IN context is a different story, it's pretty easy to know what to do in one specific moment, but what of the next? What am I supposed to do then?

I wont flatter myself by saying 'SO many great minds have asked themselves this question before', but it's true, just not of great minds alone. EVERYONE has to ask this question, each to his own specific situation, and mine is that of someone who does not like to conform to what is generally normal. Sure, I'm a college student, but I'm also God damn awful at it. (I wont go into the gory details, but I assure you it's put me in quite the predicament.) I've never been okay with going to school. What am I supposed to be doing in school that is relevant to me personally, as A) an American, and B) as a Citizen of the World? Why do I need to take all of these courses, and what purpose does taking microeconomics have on a mind like mine?

These questions irk me. Severely.

I am kept up at night sometimes, much like tonight, thinking about the mundane existence that I have come to know... Why is it like this? Did George Washington think it was a good idea to exploit the people he had sworn to protect? Of course he didn't, but it still happens, most don't even recognize it. Fast food, corporate greed, idiotic left-right paradigm arguments, blatant racism, and brainwashing television programs... This is not the world that GW imagined. (Or at least he didn't imagine so many demonizing influences to be relevant in society. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, BOHEMIAN GROVE.)

Unfortunately, it's here to stay, and I here with it. I'm not sure I'm the most educated person, but I can at least see what others happily turn a blind eye towards.

That sort of answers my question. I probably need more assistance, from above specifically, about what I am supposed to be doing. Until then, I'll keep on writing and keep fighting for what's right.

Pain, what of it?

I am in quite a bit of pain as of right now... Screwed myself over with a shoulder injury yesterday trying to do a dive roll. Unfortunately, I went in too steep and crushed my shoulder with my own weight. If 'stupid is as stupid does' I definitely over qualify right about now.

I find it interesting that Paul, one of Christ's greatest preachers, was able to sustain so much pain and suffering for such a long time. For example, getting stoned to death and just up and walking away from it; getting stoned wasn't something that you usually come back from alive (quite the opposite of today's words about getting stoned that's for damn sure).

He was a really great man, he worked hard, he was celibate, he suffered a great deal for his people. Much like Jesus, but hey that's who he was about. No amount of suffering any one man can come close to how He suffered... something that should be obvious to everyone, but is not. Not many people seem to understand how much more hard life was compared to today. Today is mostly intellectually demanding, as opposed to the old world where Intellectuality and Religiousness went hand in hand. Many take that notion for granted, as well as God for granted... I try not to.

Paul was just one man but still had influenced so much of what I have become... mostly without my knowledge.
I knew not prior to this semester about the many tests that God had put upon so many of his people in that day; it's hard to believe that God still exists in today's world, with everything that has happened to humanity I am surprised that God still holds true to his creation. I mean, when I create something, I don't explicitly care for the creation to hurt itself in intensely destructive ways, nor do I want it to waste the resources I had generously planted down unto the earth.

I'm just disappointed with what the world is in relation to what it could have been. (Though I suppose it's just as well that we all suffer in unison given that we have put ourselves in such a weak position.)