'Alone Time'

Been pretty quiet for a while now... couldn't hurt to update, bout 2 months behind schedule.

Past couple of months have been, to say the least, long. I don't think about much lately I guess.

It kind of irks me that I don't even keep up with something as simple as writing my thoughts down every couple of weeks.

Well, I can't say I've been doing a whole lot. More of the same, really: video games with intermittent periods of sleep and school thrown in. Worked a little bit too, but I think that 12 days on a temporary job isn't that much to be proud of.

But, I was hard working and proud of the job that I did. Made a good chunk of change to carry me into... well, where I am now. I'm kind of on the end of my rope that I made for myself, I can feel that noose tightening - I don't really like being unemployed, but similarly I don't want to go so far out of my way that I hate myself for trying.

I guess that's really the thing about me. I don't try very hard if I don't get anything out of it. Hell, I don't try very hard anymore at all. I just can't bring myself to doing what I know I have to do.

I guess I can only blame myself then, right? Not like I set myself up for success, mostly I just set myself up so that I can be basically sustained in a very minimal manner, rather than actually trying out new things I recluse myself into my hole and slave away at what I know best - the computer, the game, as my parents call it.

What the hardest part about this whole situation is how easy it would be to end it all, compared to how hard it would be to clamor over these fervent addictions I hold.

I could just as easily eat a bullet before trying to help myself.

If that isn't depressing, I don't really know what is; I just don't feel that great about anything right now.